Reminiscing;

do you ?

2010-06-20T00:48:00.000+08:00

cut short ;

2010-03-01T21:47:00.002+08:00

hey,

its been a long time since i did blog .. and im starting to lose the blogging spirit .. but there are some things i have yet to let out .. there's just too much to say. so i'd be pretty random with this... first of all , the nights seems much lonelier without you .. everynight , im alone , i've got no one to talk to , no one used to care as much as you did .. constant lectures and nags are starting to crush my spirit .. its like my parents have some thing against me or something .. why am i never good enough ? there are time's i sit by the phone , and in the pure silence of solitude , i could still remember your giggle .. but now , im just , me .. life seem pretty miserable .. giving up on everything i've know .. and why is everybody going away ? though there are times i have fun , but fun is only mommentary .. i smlie , cause everybody smiles .. everybody seem to have their perfect world , while me , im living in my perfect dream of a world .. everything i do , seems to have weighed me more .. and sleep gets less and less , my eyes would only close , but the sleep just wont fall deep .. morning showers cold like ice , the way i like it , to open up my eyes .. i tried to voice out once , then i tried again , but im not heard .. even my parents wont listen .. they just seem to have so much fun going at each other .. but the best part is , my closest friend seems to be my computer .. when i type , the words comes out , when i click it does exactly .. if only life was operated this way .. and sometimes , i might be trying too hard , forgive me , im just trying to find company .. Karma has its ways and im its victim .. its been fun having it around , now i want to live my own ..

hear me out '

giving up is an option,

it lets you start a-new..

im no prepared ;

2010-01-20T18:31:00.003+08:00

you caught me so off guard .. im confused , but still , i stand strong in front of you , despite the pain in me .. times when i tried so hard to prove you wrong , you'd believe the unproven .. whats that ? what am i doing wrong ? though it might just be me from now , i wanna let you know , i had fallen for you .. but , i dont expect you to do the same . im running from here , to somewhere im less vulnerable ..

compromise the pain,

and you'd find joy ?

you dont have to be nice to me , if you think im that bad

i'll treat you no different

tomorrow's a new day ;

2009-12-30T22:32:00.002+08:00

its been too long since i blogged about something . so now, in the mist of boredom on the last day of 2009 , i took the initiative to put something up .. this year had been a rough roller coaster ride for me. nothing seem to last or ay of this year . i guess the feng sui book was right , this year for the dogs is particullarly hard as they lose alot in anything they owned .. so next year , im gonna read about those kinda stuff to give a heads up on how a hard headed taurus would do in 2010..

about 2009 ;

its bee a year which i definitely will miss . it was a hectic year , but in the middle of all the chaos , i got reattached to my friends again , closer than before .. i guess i didnt know how important they are before . but now i do .. they made my year a great 1. other than that , i guess this year i truly found love .. never had i fell so deep, but i am.. this time im not letting it go .. not so soon . theres so much to talk about this year , but im only limited to talk about some of them , as happy memories for me , would be explict for the little ones who reads this ..

im thankful for the chances that were given to me to experience many things .. theres not much i wouldnt do again for the next year .. but , let me tell you, we shall brace oursleves for 2010 , cause its the turning poimt right ? you know why ? its cause it is 2 years away from judgement day and 2 years after puberty .. so now puberty is out of the way , man up and face the world before its too late right ? ..

'what am i talking about ..'

theres only one regret ,

i never got a chance to realise my mistakes sooner,

to find a way to make it up to you,

to show you how much i love you.

and now you're gone,

i reminisc everyday,

wishing i could do it all again.

need i say more ? ;

2009-11-25T15:20:00.006+08:00

really ? had a ball : )

anticipate;

2009-11-05T20:46:00.000+08:00

i'll blog soon. so stop bugging me to update .

mornings;

2009-10-15T18:14:00.004+08:00

i know my friends are probably gonna be pissed about this. but i have to let it out.. though i have been mad, and though i have been saying things i dont mean.. in the pure silence solitude. theres only you in my mind. im not over it.. but theres nothing i can do. i really miss you.. i know you've been dying to see me messed up like this, so here you go. look at me, and see that im nothing.. everything nowadays brings back memories, that tear up a whole in my heart. from the way you smile, the way you walk and your funny little laugh. i miss them all.. every morning, i take a photo of you out, and get a good look at you to make my day. sometimes, songs just kills me if they remind me of anything.. the song that burns most to hear is, Morning - Janice Vidal. this song was heard when i viewed your blog for the first time.. and it will never be the last time i'll hear it. other than that, the way i tend to over do things sometimes, reminds me of the way you tend to try and stop me from doing it. i just somehow miss you doing that. the cheeky-ness we once had, will not be forgotten by me. i love you for that, remember?

at night, sometimes i dream about holding you in my arms once more, looking into your eyes once more and even just be near you once more.. theres too many special things about you i cant explain, and too little time to think of any.. i know i had a bad breakdown, but its one mistake you hopefully can forgive. i didnt mean too, neither did i intend to force you away.. im sorry, sincerely. and i know being sincere is really important to you, well, this time i am.. and believe me when i say, i love you. people come and go, but once you had perfection, you wouldnt want anything else.. and i know you've found perfection, the love and tenderness you share with him. though it kills, i wish you guys all the best. and for him, take care of her, you wouldnt want to lose her, i promise.

a friend asked me, 'have you had an addiction or an obsession?'.. my answer was yes. but her next question was, 'have you cried so hard for that obsession that you forget about everything else?' i said 'no, but i have tried very hard to live without it.'.. so i guess that was my wake up call.. i had to try hard. but as hard as i try, i tend to end up like this once more. i cant bear this.. i cant.. but i'll remember the words you speak, and the promises you made.. time can only tell, for the blind like me, to see what we would become.. i'll miss you for more mornings to come. another two years wouldnt kill me to wait..

quote: ' if you dream about it hard enough, it would come true'

by Kellie Chong Qiao Yi

don't curse this post, dont say anything either

read it, and digest it. wake up the next morning

and make the best out of your life

distractions;

2009-10-15T16:24:00.003+08:00

- currently exhausted.

firstly, in these past few days, im dong okay. not great, but im okay. thank God for that.. and for the anger post which i deleted recently, im sorry about that again. i believe that anger is misdirected passion. so forgive me.. and i've been thinking a lot lately. 'about what?' you may ask.. but im no sure about the answer myself.. i could say im thinking about everything. but theres not enough space on earth to hold these thoughts together. i'm tired of thinking about irrelevant things..

anyways,
after PMR which was tuesday not long ago if you still recall, we headed out to pyramid. it was with a few of my friends. though it wasnt really well planned. but i had a load of fun. when we got there, we went to TGI's for lunch. then soon after we walked around and i got my lip pierced. but my lip piercing didnt last very long though. i had to take it out due to parental explicit. after that, we had dinner at Carl's Junior and went back..after that we slept over at friends's houses. and now im back. didnt have much to do in school. but it was okay. had some friends there.

p.s.//
theres so many things going on, what's real, and what's not? maybe my problems have compiled together and it is gonna run me like 80 mph truck.

the smiles will not be replaced

the hole tearing throungh my chest is only getting worst

yet, the pain is my best distraction

untitled;

2009-10-13T21:01:00.003+08:00

i'll blog about freedom next time..

till then, take care..

crunch time;

2009-10-11T18:35:00.001+08:00

i know i said some things that i shouldnt have. but now i've chilled. and im sorry.

SORRY

im forgetting about it.

if this is it;

2009-10-11T09:29:00.002+08:00

____

I remember what you wore on the first day

You came into my life

And I thought hey

You know this could be something

'Cause everything you do and words you say

You know that it all takes my breath away

And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true, that I can't live without you

Maybe two is better than one

But There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life

And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking two, is better than one

boys like girls feat taylor swift - two is better than one

how do you stand by and watch us fall..

you had your second chance, where's mine?

breathe;

2009-10-09T13:30:00.002+08:00

i heard this song from a friends blog recently.

it brings back memories..

you should hear it too..

_______

remember when;

2009-10-08T16:33:00.003+08:00

-currently stiching a gaping hole on my shoulder.

it has barely been a week, and its already killing me.. my footsteps with heavy drags and my head down as though the floor amuses me.. am i too late? or maybe its too soon. i dont know. i dont know anything anymore, i dont know you anymore, i dont know me anymore.. constant hits to the chest would still not make this pain go away. the hole in me is gaping; more hollow than ever.. across the court i walked, and i could see you there beside me. but its only the images in my mind which i could only remmeber. i've lived it, i've believed it and now i dream about it.. the empty space beside me seems to be unoccupied. why? i just dont know.. you could do it, why cant i?.. i've never been this unwilling to let this go. maybe its because i never wanted this after the long hours of sleepless nights and constant nudges i gave to make it work.. maybe, i did love..
i hope i could be better soon, i dont want to seem to be the weaker one among us two.. but what i dont get is, no matter how hard i try to explain, im rejected of a second thought. nothing i say would ever work right now.. and its okay. i dont mind trying..

people say:

face the facts and live your life

i say:

live your life and face the facts

the difference is obscene

the mist;

2009-10-05T18:21:00.005+08:00

- currently fragmented..

i got to admitt. i've been through alot of bull shit with you, but you made it worthwhile.. you once said these things that happen to us, makes us stronger. after that, i felt secure enough to not try to think about this day to come. but it did.. and this post is not here to diss you, its to tell you how much i appreciated you. though it may not be clear then, but now i see, how much you really were in my life..

you were, some sort of what i called a dream. you were, mostly what i had hoped for to come true. you were my support, you were my all. i gave you everything, and not hoped for nothing back in return, but just for you to stay.. little did i know, it didnt pay off trying.. it probably would have paid off by just doing it. its too late to try, yet too early give up. you were too much of a good thing, and probably some of the best things.. i remembered never failing to smile when i saw you everyday with your eyes wide open and your smile too beutiful to be true; to be mine.. you are everything everyone hopes for.. but a few minor touches in you should be polished up. i failed to do so, but im hoping the next one would change you more effectively than the way i did it..

well me, im here, always here, but never forever.. im sorry to have been such a burden for you. but im pretty sure you're happier than i am. so, i wont be worrying so much about you.. as for me, i'll do fine.. if i ever stop thinking about this.. but till then, miss me.. dont forget me.

'i am down, but not defeated'

the photos of you are mine to keep

it makes me happy once i take a look at it

it reminds me that

the best things in life dont last forever

as we could only last a life time

till forever leaves us old and gray

2009-10-05T16:44:00.000+08:00

i want to let it out..
but there's no point..

tell me;

2009-10-04T10:32:00.005+08:00

- currently thinking about whaats important; but unsure..

i dont know what to say to you. i dont know what to do. i've lost all hopes, and given up all my dreams. there's no sense of holding on in me anymore. what i thought was meant to be, is now a tragedy. i was meant to love you, but you werent meant to love me.. this feeling in me, is hard to describe. though its painful, everytime i see you, i would smile.. thought im mad, i tend to forget about it. but this time, your ego is worst than mine. you're unwilling to lose, you're unwilling to make things right for me. i have to do it.. but i've done enough, i thought you knew. i know you have the tendancy to let this go, as it all means nothing to you, if im not trying.. but i am in disbelief, if you still don't understand. yesterday, was the first night i slept without you wishing me my sweetdreams.. i didnt get any, except the urge to tell you this.. this could be the final straw, i am hanging by a thread.. but i know you have already given up. and i think i should too. if you're planning to say goodbye, try not to be too sharp with your words.. im about to break into millions of trillions of tiny pieces.. but dont worry, im fine.. i know i'll be happy, as long as you are..

my almost lover

Your fingertips across my skin.

The palm trees swaying in the wind.

Images.

You sang me Spanish lullabies.

The sweetest sadness in your eyes.

Clever trick.

I never want to see you unhappy.

I thought you'd want the same for me.

Goodbye, my almost lover.

Goodbye, my hopeless dream.

I'm trying not to think about you.

Can't you just let me be?.

So long, my luckless romance.

My back is turned on you.

I should've known you'd bring me heartache.

Almost lovers always do.

We walked along a crowded street.

You took my hand and danced with me.

Images.

And when you left you kissed my lips.

You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no.

I never want to see you unhappy.

I thought you'd want the same for me.

Goodbye, my almost lover.

Goodbye, my hopeless dream.

I'm trying not to think about you.

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance.

My back is turned on you.

I should've known you'd bring me heartache.

Almost lovers always do.

I cannot go to the ocean.

I cannot drive the streets at night.

I cannot wake up in the morning.

Without you on my mind.

So you're gone and I'm haunted.

And I bet you are just fine.

Did I make it that easy.

To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover.

Goodbye, my hopeless dream.

I'm trying not to think about you.

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance.

My back is turned on you.

I should've known you'd bring me heartache.

Almost lovers always do..

listen, would you cry to this?

"almost lover - a fine frenzy"

state the obvious;

2009-09-28T22:18:00.003+08:00

- Currently thinking about the ugly truth..

everyday seems to go by fine. everyday seems to go by mundanely. where's the excitement? where's was that 'ummph' that i used to have. so many things to say, so little time.. whats left of this, which we all call friendship? whats left to belief, when truth to be told, we're living a lie? i just feel relentless torture. Signs made me belief the feeling was true, nevertheless, life told me that going down that road might not be possible.. its all neurosis. but i hope it isnt. maybe i will find that dream of being that special someone for that special someone who totally feels im their special someone, someday...

Dear Reader,

its not that i want you,

its not that i need you,

its because i have you,

you mean so much more..

take care from your true friend.

he better be perfect;

2009-09-19T12:43:00.005+08:00

-currently hoping that i will someday be as lucky as you..

theres so much i have yet to tell you. but this time, i have to let go. when you first told me you had eyes for a new one, it somehow tug me a little. i couldnt find the words to say, and acted i was still steady. i know, i put you through the same thing before. and you had no complaints. anyways, i didnt know how much you meant to me till then. but i soon came to realise i was happy for you and pushed what i had felt aside. actually, im really happy for you now. theres only so much i can help you and i would do anything to help you anyways. i guess, if you care for someone, you would be happy for them no matter what..

but hey, all good things have to come to an end. but i never thought i would lose this. sometimes, when your name is mentioned, i would think about you for a moment. sometimes when you walk by me, i would take a peek with the corner of my eyes but only from a distance. though all of it has passed, why is there a wall that is holding me back from talking to you. sometimes i just wonder.. but no matter how much pain i caused you, im sorry.. and i hope hurting you is not the reason for you to remember me by. remember me by the guy who walked pass your life.. and took you along my journey to open up your mind and heart to the different feelings that love has to offer.. and i hope to hear from you from time to time..

who would have thought a bond like us that we had before would have ended. who would have thought, we came this far either.. we definitely had our moments. now, take those experience and use it in your new life.. dont hold back. and go on. dont do something you will regret, and knowing you, dont keep your feelings to yourself. no matter how corny it is, thats life..

after you read this, dont hesistate. go go go! there will be a time for us. so dun worry. im always there, root-ed to the arteries and vein of your heart. you cant take me out.. so, live with it. you have definitely left your mark on me.. but dont leave a mark on him. embed you on him. dont let go of your believes.. and im always here for support if you need any..

remember when i promised you i would be here no matter what?

i mean it. so dont forget..

lastly, i know how you are, dont always look down on yourself. you're capable of so much more. you have no idea how much you can do. so, do your thing, which you do best, capture the heart of your loved one. be strong and be confident.. and think positive right? this time, the time and place is already set for you. this time its clear.. this time its fate.. stay happy. i love it when you're happy. it makes me feel satisfied, and less work for me to do too.. haha..

you wont be lonely; when im here.

'there always light at the end of a tunnel'

I close both locks below the window

I close both blinds and turn away

Sometimes solutions aren't so simple

Sometimes good bye's the only way

'shaadow of the day- linkin park'

my love.

i will always be the same.

'this time - wonder girls'

tension;

2009-09-17T23:30:00.003+08:00

- currently saving spit for later.

i dont know why, but i think i really am a functionary. my mouth blabber words only i understand. theres nothing i can put across to make someone get it anymore. im losing my mind. really frustrated. i really dont know what you want, im pretty sure you dont want this. and im pretty sure there nothing you would wanna sacrifice for this. so, feel free to slowly part.. im just wondering about, how am i going to sleep. my mind can't rest till i hear something solid to satisfy it. this too much, really. i have never felt like this before.. its somehow, a slow and very the least, painful, death.. i've completely lost who i am. and will never be the same again.. but as people say, time flies, we wouldnt know whats gonna happen.. sometimes i wish we were the way we used to be..

anyways,

today was a regular day. had two papers in the morning and free till the bell rang to go. have a week to study for one subject, its all good. after school, went out with some friends. these guys actuall made me feel better. firstly,i had to wait half an hour for sonia, simmren and 'you know who' to come down. i said hi to them but not 'you know who'. soon sonia pulled me to S.A. and then to seven eleven, then to S.A. again. while being there i waved to 'you know who'.. she waved back. so it was all good. then, syaz came and wanted to eat in tanjung. so sure, we went. i didnt want to go as she was there. but i had to somehow. so i walked passed her and said hi. you dont know how red i felt.. my cheeks were burning. then, sonia, supposedly had to get ceadit. then she ask me to teman her (what an excuse). she did that on purpose so i would walk pass 'you know who'.. then when we came back, she was about to go back soon. i said bye to her.. and thsts the end to that..

'the anastatic - friends'

daus; his ridiculous piano skills

syaz; belum pro lagi.

but more pro than anyone in the room

sonia; my instructor. soon to be rockstar.

after dinner, we went to yamaha to play some guitar. but i dunno how to play. so i watched, and learnt how to play 'happy birthday'. after that daus came and showed us his piano skills. afeter that we all headed back to tanjung to lepak. after lepaking for quite sometime, it was time to part. so then we left, one by one.. and i went home last. as usual, i didnt want to bother anyone.

..listen to the light breeze

you feel that?

muder;

2009-09-16T21:21:00.010+08:00

-currently trying to kill myself.

just when i realised im hurt enough, guess what smacked me in the face? a post about the ex boyfriend. really? how much more insecure can i get? how am i not supposed to be paranoid. sure, we have not enough problems right? yea, i guess we're doing great.

out of the mist of the pain, i come to read about;

"i still think of you, and still hopes for your call...

still remember my first this and that...

blablabla..."

im really tired. and im not having much breaks in between this chaos.. its like a never-ending flow of disasters. sometimes i just cant take it. sometime i just wished i could say, why dont you call him? if you are already weaiting for his calls. why dont you use a MILLION words to bring him back instead of thousands. why not cry another thousand drops of tears if he is all that worth it. why dont you just start over with him, spend another birthday with him, and pretend i was never alive.. hold on to his love forever.. remember all you want, if you carry on doing so, im not promising you anything anymore. i've suffered enough. theres only so much i can do. the damage is not repairable.. this just kills..

you once asked me,

why do i hang on after all the damaged you've caused...

now im asking you to ask yourself,

what have i not done to make him walk away...

i dont seem to have you to hold on to anymore.
what is there to believe in this, together anymore.

your post was not about us,

that's the peoblem..

i guess 'this is fate!' right?..

forgive what i said; im just moaning in pain.

unwell;

2009-09-12T11:10:00.002+08:00

- currently reminiscing; missing her..

there are so many protestable thoughts in me to argue with you. im holding back to tell them all. i dont want you to hover further and further a way from me. remember the time you told mw not to tell anybody about what we do? then why do you tell random guys, about what happened to us? are they really your friends to tell? i just want to know..

driving on the freeway, till this song came on the radio. it came to me, and i had all my memories floooding back. maybe what im feeling now would go away. maybe im not over what i had to go through. but i know im not crazy. im just, unwell.

All day

Staring at the ceiling

Making friends with shadows on my wall

All night

Hearing voices telling me

That I should get some sleep

Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on I'm feeling like I'm headed for a

Breakdown I don't know why

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know, right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know, right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Talking to myself in public

Dodging glances on the train

I know

I know they've all been talking 'bout me

I can hear them whisper

And it makes me think there must be something wrong

With me

Out of all the hours thinking

Somehow

I've lost my mind

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know, right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

I been talking in my sleep

Pretty soon they'll come to get me

Yeah, they're taking me away

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know, right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired

I know, right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Hey, how I used to be

How I used to be, Well I'm just a little unwell

How I used to be

'Unwell- Matchbox 20'

stay positive

tap-out;

2009-09-10T20:59:00.002+08:00

i have too many bruises,

to keep fighting on like this

i'm falling hard

and i don't think im getting up soon

dont be like me,

get on; being you..

im sorry..

pain-prone;

2009-09-08T18:42:00.004+08:00

smile, and tell me..

i am worried about that; but theres nothing i could say if you don't think i wouldnt. but go ahead, run away; lead your life, go your way..

when you look into my eyes, you really see that? i know i've given up alot. but you are reluctant to receive it full heartedly. you would still say its not fair; im always giving and not taking. its my choice to do that. but now, its not like that anymore.. its already mutual.. you have just as much pain as i do.. what you say is completely over-rated..

so you're saying its really hard; that means you want me to go? if that's what you mean, then just watch me.. remember : if you push, i go..

a propitiatory statement

its sticky;

2009-09-08T17:40:00.004+08:00

- Currently having my back break on its own

i thought today was fine. i thought today was okay. but little did i know, i can't do what i wanted too. im afraid. afraid of what might happen to her. i tried standing strong. but after yesterady's sleepless night, that conversation with her mum, made my leg shake out of control; its hard enough to stand still. frequently getting lost starring into the mid-air, thinking, in a middle of a convo. friends did all they could to cheer me up.. some succeed but some just brought me back to square one..

"what are we going to do now.."

this question lingered in my mind and never got out. i searched for an answer from deep within yet my brain but failed to find a solution. a sudden change of plans; search my heart. after a long survey of options, there was never really a firm one.. all i thought about was what you wanted.. when i started to think about what i wanted, it was clear that i wanted you to still be a part of my life. its not fair, its really not.. but i would really want to make the best out of it.. theres too little time and so much more obstacles to get pass..

hmm...

if you ever want to tell me what you want to do. tell me in the face..

'i'm hanging on..'

'slip away in silence; so i don't hear...'

good as it may sound

i know myself that cant be

and i didnt feel bad about it till right then

had to remind her that we were just pretend

i said baby i want you

but stay with the real thing

i never loved you enough

see i only want you

but stay with the real thing

stay with the real thing

stay with your real life

'Ne-Yo - The Real Thing'

hush, dont ask me why ...

out-run;

2009-09-07T12:25:00.005+08:00

- Currently cleaning up the blood.

woke up with a bleeding nose this morning. didnt care much, just let it bleed. soon had breakfast with my parents before my tutor comes. in the mist of all the eggs, bread and other stuff, i told my parents...

"i want to go to Aussie next year.."

i didnt know what got into me. i just said it. maybe its cause i cant bear to stay here anymore. what is there for here to offer? i just want to get away from this.. far far away. i'm still sprung on what i said. i rushed that sentence without thinking; no hesitation. i just want to take time off this place and figure out who i am and what i'll be; i cant continue living this way... my priorities here are all pushed aside; im really distracted.. i need a clear path.

anyways,

my parents asked me if i was okay after a moment of silence. my dad gave me a stare while my mum was worried about me. she knew i didnt really want to go and im going because im trying to escape from something.. to make her bug me less, i gave her a simple answer..

"i don't want to sit for SPM.."

obviously i lied. but i cant tell her. and though im not willing to let all the friends i have here go; i think it would definitely be better for me. by the way, i could burden my friends less. now, my parents want a firm answer.. they are giving me a week to make up my mind. they are really hoping to move-over there too.. i usually disagree completely on going.. but now, im thinking twice..

'navigate me to my sanctuary, somewhere'

shoot me with a fusillade of bullets to stop me,

would you do that?

full-hardy;

2009-09-05T16:56:00.007+08:00

- Currently getting the jitters.

im thinking, how much could i hold up. what is there to do, when you have cold feet. what is there to not think about, when the world is going to fall on you the very next day.. what is there to do, when time i unforgiving... what if, forever, never comes back.. and goodbyes seem way too soon.. sometimes i dont really even know what im feeling. everything in between this rotating mob seem like mumbo jumbo to me though i might die in it; being the innocent.. all i want is to be me. then why am i hesitating. im making full -hardy decisions, without even know the consiquences i have to face after that.

why cant i wake up from whatever i fell asleep into..

'sing me a mellifluos melody'

" i wanted a perfect ending. now i've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, some stories, don't have a clear begining, midlle and end. life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's gonna happen next.."

~ Gilda Radner

---------

this was what i saw this afternoon. which made me think, so deeply... watch and i wont believe you wont feel what i felt.. i know its just a show, but it meant alot.. alot to those who want it to be meaningful.

'take a second to take a look'

a plea..

" did you say it? i love you. i don't ever want to live without you. you changed my life. did you say it? make a plan, set a goal, work toward it. but every now and then, look around.. drink it in, cause this is it.. it might all be gone tomorrow..."

Grey's Anatomy - Meredith

life KO'd me, emotionally..

enigmatic me;

2009-09-01T18:42:00.007+08:00

-currently head banging to heavy metal..

today; scholl reopens. today, time passed so slowly. every strut, every step, every breath i take seem to pass tremendously slow.. it was as if time had slowed down for me to truly think about what i am, and what is made of me to become. i was thinking a whole lot; felt down. there's too much to really think about. and all the time in the world would no be enough to think about them all. but one thing is for sure.. im still trying to figure out, ME..

'Exactly; make up my mind for me?..'

i started to think i was fudged.

or maybe it was the lack of time that i have to get everything done? theres too much forceful pressure on me. i've got so much on my plate; i dont know where to dig in. avoiding the wrong side of the law, keeping up with friends, keeping up with the girlfriend, preperation for the major papers and producing a productive result. i can't sit back and chill anymore. thers no time.. maybe im just fuddy-duddy. but i understand what is important. on the other hand, i want to be more for the people i care about..

life in a manometer;

the're too much i cant handle. anyone care to offer a helping hand?

completely newsy post '

living life as a looney limrick,

taking it mundanely.

my humdinger;

2009-08-31T17:38:00.006+08:00

-Currently still hung-over thinking about our first kiss..

getting bored after breakfast. soon had my parents go to Shangri-la for dim sum.. after that, mum bought tons of mooncake to give away. i had to carry them.. not fair at all.. but before that, was hoping to get dim sum with my cousin sisters. they did not turn up; my uncle and aunty too. we are having a family prob, its no surprise they didnt show up.. kinda missing them..

'the ride was not fun'

anyways,

was looking at my phone the whole day, hoping for an answer/reply. did not get a response. starting to feel insecure. to tell you the truth, its no big deal.. its just that, i want you to be true to me. its not that, the problem is only yours. its mine too. why werent you willing to share with me?.. its not a big deal to me at all, its really not. and i over-reacted that day.. now, looking back, what i did was completely unneccessary.. i understand that its personal, but the problem is, i tried so hard to gain your trust, yet all you did was shadow me away from the truth. and now, you're pushing me away...

'everything seems to remind me of you..'

I'm still standing here, waiting..

Let's take that as a frivolous conversation

Let's do this together.

independence;

2009-08-31T10:58:00.005+08:00

i am gonna be happy for today. cause today's independence day. today, Malaysia is 52 years old. the big 52! its not much, but its enough to be proud of. we've come so far since 1957, and now, look at us. better than ever.. living together and enjoying the different cultures of our friends. this makes us special.. and still going strong!!

im lucky enough to enjoy all the different food we have here. theres too little time to have them all. but as i grow with it, i will.. the food tastes great too. no matter what race, we share the same food and speak the same words; together... i eat, you eat, we eat together, in one Malaysia..

Happy 52nd Birthday, Malaysia!

Happy Independence Day, Malaysians!

"Bersama kita capai semua,

Satu Malaysia."

Satu Malaysia- AMP All-Stars.

heartache;

2009-08-30T17:41:00.002+08:00

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right,
We were never meant for do or die...

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I'm already gone"

' Kelly Clarkson - already gone '

beauty's a deceit;

2009-08-30T11:58:00.011+08:00

im feeling frantic; why you may ask. the reason is, what if you had been deceive by the ones you loved?

i cleared my mind, and changed for you and us. i gave you every strand of care. and showered you with most of what i call, love. i gave up my everything for you. couldnt you give up one thing for me? or maybe i wasnt worthy of being trusted? i trusted you with all my heart. told you things that only i knew was right to tell.. but yet, you save youself and spare me the embarrassment.. the things you said made it so believable. it had to be, as i didnt expect nothing but the truth..

answer this:
what hurts more. an inconvinient truth? or finding out a lie on your own?

i was made to believe i wasnt the only one, till i found out i was all along. i was made to believe that i had grew strenght in me to pull through, till i found out it was only the adrenaline from the ecstacy; you.. the things i see and the things i felt, its clear to me now; it was never there to begin with.. i was a fool.. yet a fool could feel disgusted. do you think of him, when we did all those things together? was i the replacement? or am i just a toy?..

your eyes which i once known was brown, now its blue or grey. your smile which i once known was sincere, now holds a decieving purpose. your connection which i once felt, was just to make me a vulnerable target. the words you speak and the things you did, i wont forget. but was it all real to begin with? it hurts too much to be a dream; its hurts too much to be a nightmare either..

maybe there was a reason why God made me write down all those quotes. He gave me a heads-up on whats about to come. He tried to save me, but my heart was too stubborn to ressist. now i know what im made-of to become.. a no-one; in God's favour and in your heart..

DECEIT

' Hiding in the shadows,

Lying about your actions,

Can only take you so far..'

i really cant understand why.

dont you think i understand you?

But you put on quite a show,

Really had me going,

Curtain's finally closing,

That was quite a show,

Very entertaining,

But it's over now,

Go on and take a bow..

'Rihanna - Take a bow'

invidious joke;

2009-08-27T18:52:00.000+08:00

reading through the net. found this short story. its invidious, so forgive me for you who are offended.

There was a man who one day didnt feel like going to church so he decided to go hunting instead. He was out in the bush when he was aproched from behind by a bear. He dropped his gun by accident but didnt bother to pick it up.

He ran for his life. Weaving in and out the trees with the bear on his trail. Curving around a tree he triped over its root. He looked up and the bear looked down. The bear was about to strike at him. He put his hands together and prayed:

"Dear lord, Please let this bear be a christian."

the bear sat down on its bum and held the mans hands, closed his eyes and said:

"Dear lord, Thank you for the food that i am about to recieve."

Had a laugh or so?

results;

2009-08-27T17:08:00.000+08:00

okay, so i had my check up today. waited and waited... soon i got my doctor. he hits here hits there, squizes here squizes there, told me to do some squarts and what so ever. soon.. took me for an x-ray...

everything was fine. he said stay at home and rest for a week or two. my knee has just the smallest tissue tear ever. and my neck still has some tense vains causing it hard to turn. my elbow should be fne soon. and as for the bruises, they are all fine. just need to give it a daily massage. and to other injuries, they're minor. and will heal in no time. that wasnt as bad as i thought it would be.. i was afraid before.. but now, its nothing..

but just today, i found out that something has changed in me for the pass few days.. i have been eating excessively. i have been averaging two bowls of rice a meal and today, you wouldnt believe what i ate in three hours.

firstly, after my check up at SJMC, i went to subang parade for lunch with my cousin sis. so we were deciding on what to eat. my mum said Uncle Lim's. so sure, we went. i got a karipap, 2 three-quarter boiled eggs and an asam laksa. then i got thirsty and got a cham-ice. soon after lunch i walked around to see if there's anything to buy. sadly, no. but i did come across McDonalds. i got myself a large Spicy Chicken McDeluxe, set. i chowed down happily on that. soon, as i've done that, baskin robins was nearby. i got a double scoop cone, consisting of, chocolate mousse royale and world-class chocolate. that was the last thing i ate.. but dinner is in a few hours.. CAN'T WAIT!

"i think im growing!"

today, i got to eat so much is also because of the fasting month. if it wasnt for that, i think i would have to fight for food and jump queues. ahh.. what a day it has been..

and when i got home, i was thinking about 1 question... 'who is the hottest women i have ever lived to see'... though question huh. but the answer came up in a minute; Marilyn Monroe. she is no doubt the right choice.. i mean look at her, wouldnt any man want her?.. i mean, if she was educated then, yea, everyman would want her.. but sadly, she's dead.. and thankfully, im so over her..

" it is what it is,

it ain't what it ain't

don't make what it is what it ain't."

think about it...

-out-

reluctance;

2009-08-25T21:14:00.000+08:00

in a about 1 or 2 days, i am going for a body check up. why you mght ask; this is due to the injuries i've gotten through basketball training. actually some of the injuries lasted for more than half a year. but it was minor then... now its getting to me.. i approximately have 6 to 7 injuries.. lets list them down..

no. 1 : my ankle.
i was rushing to get a basket so through the defense i ran. soon i found myself in the air and going for a clear lay-up. somehow, i missed, and landed on someones foot. that totally sprained my ankle. but soon i walked it off, but now, it came back.. what are the odds.

no 2 : my knee.
this is the longest hurting part of my body. since february my knee has been a problem. but sometimes it seems fine though. but now, its killing me.. and i can't stand it. i walk with a knee guard nowadays..

no 3 : my thigh.
falling from a rebound which was then stolen from me by one of the big guys; he pivotted around till i thought i saw a doughnut on the ground. and when he wanted to get up, he swung his elbow right to me thigh. that left a HUGE bruise there. soon it got bigger and it looks infected.

no 4 : my butt (assets)
again, going for a basket, flew for the lay-up. but this time it went in. but as i was in mid-air, i had this chunk of big, sweaty, piece of pork chop guarding me. in the air he had already pushed me, but all my attention was into making the basket; till i forgot to see where i was landing. soon i had myself trying to brake, but it was too late. the basketball-rim-pole was 2 inches away from me.. then.. tragedy stuck, boom! my ass goes hitting on it. and i think it got flattened with a huge bruise on it too.

no 5 : my elbow.
i was running around trying to get the ball. when i got it, i tried cutting through the defense. but little did i know, my opponents used foul play to get the ball. a person just tugged on my elbow, then the ball got away. i tried pushing myself of the ground with my arm, but it hurt so bad that i had to take my time..

no 6 and no 7 : wrist and head.
i found myself controlling the ball movement. then i moved back to the half court line looking for a pass. soon, two defenders got up to me and i found myself in a corner; nearly going backcourt. i scrambled for a pass but it was too late. the two defender; one locked my ankle and the other pushed me. i threw the ball to God knows where, but i fell on my back and hit my head against the cemmented floor. my wrists were sprained due to the impact of the fall; i was trying to soften the landing with my wrists. guess it didnt work. i blackedout for a moment; just a moment. then found myself surrounded by people. i didnt dare to move as im afraid i might break something. but soon i was on my feet and walking. but now my neck hurts due to that fall. a slight turn to my left sends a painful spike down my spine..

now im afriad, thats why im going for a check up.
it neer ends with the pain though.....

fishing my thoughts;

2009-08-25T14:39:00.000+08:00

I don’t mean to feel like this
Don’t mean to think like this
My heart just has to be shown
That the love that I gave you
That’s the love that I got from you

I need to be safe and secure
Don’t forget to remember me

Remember me; T.I. feat Mary.J.Blige

"you know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy;

even if you're not part of their happiness"

the functionary;

2009-08-24T18:21:00.000+08:00

I used to be your shadow, when you were alone.

I used to be your shoulder, when you needed to cry.

I used to be your smile, when you needed to be happy.

I used to live on a simple concept, when you were still my friend.
And that is; I'll be me, whenever you need a friend.

I still live by it, but no longer practice it..

where's that fuse for ego?

Disorientated;

2009-08-24T11:32:00.001+08:00

"The distance between us today, is not a phenomenon..

it's a casualty that might bring us closer again tomorrow"..

the most out poured emotional quote that i thought of..

but something's still bothering me..

Agree with me?

This is the only place i have left to tell you things..

don't stop posting..

Irrelavent

2009-08-23T22:25:00.000+08:00

Its been days, and quotes seem to come to my mind. words pop up as if it was telling me something. so i started writting them down.. but all i that i had penned down, is totally irrelavant.. why am i seeing these words all of a sudden.. when these quotes or whatsoever come to mind, i grab my phone and just text them down a save them.. maybe you should read it.. tell me something i don't know...

"its hard to see your friends change into someone different from whom you used to know.
But its even harder to demand a change, when you're desperate for a helping hand."

"Finding ways to convince people that you're fine would not help yourself."

"when things don't go your way,
its because you don't want them to be."

"Turning fiction to fact is believing that the fiction is no doubt a fact.
and holding on to that belief is dominance"

"Pain and hurt makes us strong.

but the urge for happiness makes us weak."

"Forgetting the past is one thing,

but to relive it again is another."

"When friends are said to be lost,

new ones tend to come along."

"being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.

it means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."

-end-

Food For Thought.

2009-08-22T21:53:00.000+08:00

what do you think of me now? how does it feel like? painful isnt it. there so much that you dont know yet you think you do. what is there to say, when things had gotten this bad. what is there to do, when seeing some people, makes me mad. what do i do to make it right? or the bigger question is, do i want to make it right. im shying away from the truth and thats the way i intend to keep it. but what if it only causes a much more of painful sting? but if i dont go with my guts, i wouldnt know if it would turn out to be a beautiful macrame for me. i wont know. but, now, im unwilling to fulfil what i pormised. my concience was overpowered by the pain i was taken down with. im unwilling to sacrifice no more for someone who treats me that way, of a mere human. and not a friend to be recked by. i got too little back for what i had given, yet im willing to give away that, and live like im suppose to. but what is there to be thinking about now. when all my troubles had gone away, giving me a clear path. but its not time to reconcile.. there too much eagerness to tear you down in me.. let it cool of, and maybe have a better beginning..

the real question is,

Am i the bad guy or the good guy?

Fead This.

2009-08-14T21:55:00.001+08:00

To me, it has always been about you.

but now, when its about me, i don't think i need you to care.

I've took too many blows,

and all i wanted to know,

was how you wanted things to go..

-Fead up"

history seems to repeat itself several times..

2009-08-14T17:27:00.000+08:00

I dont know you..

talk to to me when you know you can talk to me..

2009-08-08T16:55:00.000+08:00

sometimes the words you say tear me up,

you sometimes make me feel that you dont care anymore,

with your indirect signals, from conversations to networking,

your smile, nowadays, seem to be vague,

im trying to tell you, im feeling insecure(very),

yet no words of yours could make me feel any better,
they way ' i love you ' is said, makes me feel like its forced,

forced to make sure i dont go anywhere,

if that is really your intention, tell me,

im not a toying around no more,

if you want to make anything work, do it,

dont tell me you're sure of what you want with bad intentions,

i want to be myself where-ever and when-ever,

not something which is put to use only when needed,

the longer we stay like that, the further i will walk...

think, before i put my life back into motion..

this i post with much pain,

dont take it too seriously,

just opinions from the heart.

2009-08-03T17:42:00.000+08:00

Wish i could smile...

Then whats stopping me?..

Reminiscing

2009-07-31T21:51:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since the two of us talked
About a week since the day you walked
Knowing things would never be the same
With your empty heart and mine full of pain
So explain to me, how it came to this
Take it back to the night we kissed
It was Dublin city on a Friday night
You were vodkas and coke, I was Guinness all night

We were sitting with our backs against the world
Saying things that we thought but never heard
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on
Is try to take it back

Before it all went wrong
Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

There was a time, that we'd stay up all night
Best friends talking till the daylight
Took the joys alongside the pain
With not much to loose, but so much to gain
Are hearing me? Cause I don't wanna miss,
Set you a drift on memory bliss
It was Grafton Street on a rainy night
I was down on one knee and you where mine for life

We we're thinking we would never be apart
With your name tattooed across my heart
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on

Is try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

If the clouds don't clear
Then well rise above it, well rise above it
Heavens gate is so near
Come walk with me through
Just like we use to, just like we use to

Lets take it back
Before it all went wrong
Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

Get it?

2009-07-28T20:35:00.000+08:00

Walk my shoes, just to see

What it's like, to be me

I'll be you, let's trade shoes

Just to see what I'd be like to

Feel your pain, you feel mine

Go inside each other's mind

Just to see what we find

Looking shit through each other's eyes

-out-

Time Won't Let Me Run

2009-07-24T18:29:00.000+08:00

Love is never wanting to lose faith,

never wanting to give up,

and never truly moving on.

Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart,

that they feel the same..

Do You Remember?

2009-07-19T16:19:00.000+08:00

its funny. yesterday our Malaysian football team had a friendly aginst Machester United. our Malaysian team lost 3-2. but i applause for the effort. but this game, it somehow reminded me of something that happened long ago.. which bonded us.. the excitement, the goals, the final whistle.. it made mme feel so happy, to know.. for that moment, you were you..

2 - 3

Final Score.

Remember the time when Liverpool was playing against Machester United?.. it felt just like that.. wanting our side to win. then when they did win, remember the joy? remember the happiness we shared?.. good times.. we couldnt stop cheering, happily.. with each other, though far apart, we felt the joy among each other.. that moment made my day that time.. wish i could do it all over again..

Inspired

2009-07-17T20:50:00.000+08:00

I got to know something from a friend..
he made too much sense..
" It's alot easier to say I don't like her anymore, than to explain the reasons why i still do "

A Kiss To Seal The Deal

2009-07-13T22:06:00.000+08:00

i have no idea what to blog nowadays. im too caught up with everything. a new realtionship and a new friend. to balance both was not easy but managing it was part of the agreement to making it right. i think i know what i want now.. its not me, her, you or we.. its us. losing even one of you wouldnt make me feel any better.. two half's make one full right?..

To assure me things were going somewhere.. You did what you did. waited in patience. gave me time. and gave yourself sometime to really think about us. i know now you really want this to work.. and so do i.. i dont want to be just an ex-boyfriend if we are over, i wan to be an ex to remember. im changing from now. all my time and thought goes to you. do tell me if you change your mind.. i wouldnt want to hold back on trying with you once more if that happens.

Love you..

Give Me A Reason To Stay

2009-07-05T12:51:00.000+08:00

the more i think about it the more down i get. is my life that tragic? When all things seem right i long for things to be even better. Call me greedy for all i care. im not satisfied for all you know. things are so hard to ignore and everything reminds me of what could have been. The future is still a blur, but with you, it seem like time catches up with me very quickly, yet the past ramains just a few feet away from the back of my head. Whenever i look back, the sight of your face just disappears for a moment.. yet when i turn back, i see you smiling back at me.. the guilt in me is getting the best out of me.. you stare at me with trust and sane, i return the favour, though it might not be sincere.. telling you abt this is never gonna be easy... through the hard times we argued or gave our opinions, it give me a feeling that maybe and just maybe, you were longing for something more than what you have today.. ME... Im soory for making you try.. I shouldnt have..

I love you..

Tell Me Something, Calm Me Down.

2009-07-02T16:32:00.000+08:00

What Was Written Could Not Be Erased..

As You Engraved Those Words Too Deep In My Heart..

The Thriller.

2009-06-28T11:16:00.000+08:00

The Thriller to Us.

Which Was Once You.

R.I.P.

Michael Jackson.

Your MoonWalk Have Been Immortalised.

Remembered Always As..

THE KING OF POP..

Bits And Pieces.

2009-06-22T17:55:00.000+08:00

My finger tips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
and I know that I should let go,
but I can't.
And every time we fight I know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and I smile.
I know I should forget, but I can't.

Kate Nash- Foundations

Just a ciggarette gone
No you couldn't be that far
I'm driving my car to where i hope you are
Maybe i can talk you down
Maybe i can talk you down

We're standing on a tiny ledge
Before this goes over the edge
Gonna use my heart and not my head
And try to open up your eyes
This is a relationship suicide
Cos if you go, i go
Cos if you go, i go

The Script - Talk You Down

I'll leave when the wind blows
Take a breath and there it goes
I'll be outside of your window
I'll pass by but i'll go slow

I'll leave when the wind blows
You can scream there's just echoes
Pass outside of your window
You'll be sad that you let me go
On every face you'll ever know
And everywhere you ever go
You'll feel when the wind blows

The All American Rejects - The Wind Blows

I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I'd only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying
Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late

'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost

When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost.

Michael Buble - Lost

There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you, it's me
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Girl I know your heart is breaking
And a thousand times I
Found myself asking, "Why? Why?"
Why am I taking so long to say this?
But trust me, girl I never
Meant to crush your world
And I never
Thought I would see the day we grew apart

Chris Brown - Say Goodbye

Do We Really? (feedback)

2009-06-21T13:29:00.000+08:00

if i were to comment..

things would NEVER be the same again..

What Am I to You?

2009-06-21T12:57:00.000+08:00

on friday, i took back all my papers from school. results were bad.. so mmy mum started bombarding at me. at one point i couldnt take it.. and thats when the fun began. i swung my right hand straight towards her face. she dodged ==. soon my dad came and grab me to stop me. then my neighbours which were relatives came and sort things out. soon i stared at my mum.. and my mum got scared..!! but after that she didnt dared come near me no more..

The next morning, i got ready to go to school for volleyball. Ariff fetched me there.. after a long game, i played basketball and she arrived. she got her report card way earlier than i did. when my parents came, they bombarded me in front of my class tcher.. but soon my class tcher took them out for a talk while he asked me to stay in class.. God knows what they were talking abt. soon i got home, showered and got ready to go out..

waiting for her to arrive was the most boring 45 minutes ever.. but as long as she was here in the end it was worth it. we walked for awhile, and eventhough it was a date, we werent being all date-like. soon we went to buy tickets for the movie "Dance, Subaru". we went for lunch first as the movie starts later. we went for Sakae Sushi ==...

after lunch we were a bit late for the movie, but got there just in time before the movie started. we sat down, still undate-like. suddenly, she rested on me.. and the mood began for a date-like date. XP.. but the worst part of the movie was, there was a 15 second segment of torture.. and i came to find out that Subaru, the lead girl in the movie had a dad call ISUZU..!! i was like WTF?!?! it was histaricle!!.. haha..

after the movie, we went to MPH, the place where we reunited for the frist time XP. but suddenly she had to buy some stuff for her friends, in the end she didnt buy any == ...

Then i felt thirsty, and she bouhgt me starbucks. still cant thank you enough. as soon as we got the drinks, we went to the arcade. this is where to funniest happened on that day.. i finished my drink and i was eating the ice after we got the tokens, suddenly she grab my ice and told me " Stop eating and throw it away, its not good for you".. we were not letting go of it and was spinning around till someone lets go.. we were shouting on whats right in the middle of the arcade.. it was histaricle.. everyone was looking at us.. soon she said " Ouch, you're hurting my hand!" and i let got immediately thinking she was hurt.. in the end she wasnt really hurt and threw away my ice..==..

then we played Daytona.. this is where i got my revenge XP..after a few rounds, there were no tokens left.. we headed down to talk at the hand rail. as soon as i turned back, i saw them.. it wasnt a surprise.. haha.. only vincent came to say hi, and so did trina, but.... nvm.. as soon as they passed, she dragged me to the magazine shop..==.. after that i delivered her to the stop where she got picked up.. good byes were exchanged and off she goes.. what a day we've had.. thx for coming out ya..^^

i ate Carl's junior for dinner and went back. when it was late, she came online.. haha.. she wanted to webbie. webbie means webcam, was i the only one who didnt know that? lol.. but my webcam had issues, i could see her but she couldnt see me XP.. it was nice to see you smile though you were exhausted.. too bad you didnt get too see me high. LOL!

then we went off to bed..
What a day..
with sooo many mixed emotions..

Song Of The Week.

2009-06-18T19:37:00.001+08:00

here's a really great song.

Samsons - Kenangan Terindah.

Aku yang lemah tanpamu

Aku yang rentan karena

Cinta yang tlah hilang darimu

Yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka

Sampai jantung tak berdetak

Selama itu pun

Aku mampu tuk mengenangmu

Darimu...

Kutemukan hidupku

Bagiku...

Kau lah cinta sejati

Bila yang tertulis untukku

Adalah yang terbaik untukmu

Kan kujadikan kau kenangan

Yang terindah dalam hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku

Meninggalkan jejak hidupku

Yang tlah terukir abadi

Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

Jin's Quote of The Month.

2009-06-14T16:18:00.000+08:00

Don't Care For Someone If They Don't Care For You.

I finally know i can't trust you either..

it might take you some time to get it..

but try picking up as fast as you possibly can..

Don't tell someone you will care, when you know you won't, once you find out an incoviniet truth that hurts only you..

Got TWO-FACED?

2009-06-13T20:26:00.000+08:00

DAMN FUCKING PISSED..

My Holiday.

2009-06-08T21:43:00.000+08:00

On june 1st to june 5th, i have been to Perth, Aussie. To tell you the truth, i dun really fancy the place there. its kinda boring. but the food there is great. and so is the weather. its cold but not too cold. there, ppl were nice.. and the girls were hot..XP but i dn fancy them. -.< hmm.

so on the first day, my cousin who lives there decided to have barbecue. i thought we were going out to eat barbeque, but i came to find out he was barbequeing himself. eventhough i didnt expect it to be that good, he surprised me. neighbours who were frens brought other food, and we kinda had a gathering.

The next day, my family took the train al the way down to Perth city. it was fun. the train was filled with so many different characters. when we reached there, we went to murray street. the crowd there was overwhelming. you could see students to shufflers. haha they were wearing their phats around. but there was not much to shop there. everything was expensive. after shopping, during the evening, my cousinbourght me and my nephew to see the schools and colleges there. he was trying to influence us to go there and further our studies.. but we'll think abt it.. no doubt the school and colleges were great.. but just not willing to leave yet..

on the same night, we had 'EAGLE BOYS' pizza. it looked abit different but tasted great anyways. the food there is seriously great.. the next day, my family went to WHITEMAN's Park.. we just walked around and took some pictures.. after that we went to the chocolate factory.. there, they had tons of chocolate.. and tons of free samples. it was like a all-you-can-eat-chocolate-galore. being me, i tested everything and went for another round. soon we had lunch at the cafe and headed home..

For dinner, we headed to a vietnamese restaurant. the beef ball noodle ther was freaking nice.. after that, we headed home to sleep.

The next day, we went to CICERELLO's in Fremantle. we went there bcuz its know as the best fish and chips in western aussie. haha. it was seriously damn nice.. But the toilet there is funny.. the had a fish thank right above the urinal.. i felt kinda expose while pee-ing.. haha. after that we had baskin robins ice cream eventhough the breeze by the deck was bloody cold. it was nice cause the ice cream didnt melt that much. after that we headed to a chinese restaurant to have dinner..

i was so dissappointed.. i had to go all the way there to eat food that can be prepared here. but anyways i have a burger after that to make up for it. the next and final day, we went to Gardens City Mall.. i bought a pair of shoes from there. hehe.. the sales girls was f-in hot.. haha.. but im more interested in you.. XP hehe.

the after that we headed for lunch and to the airport once more. i got molested at the imigration.. but i was CLEAN.. in the end when we touched-down in M'sia, i could feel the heat already..

But what made this trip interesting was, you replied my msgs eventhough it was expensive.. but when i was there i really missed you.. ^^

And when i got back, i kept my promise to call you.. i was happy to hear your voice.. and just today, i had a great day. thx for spending time with me. =3

SoulMate. : Dedicated to the End of Us.

2009-05-21T20:51:00.000+08:00

Incompatible, it don't matter though'
cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
you're not easy to find

Is it possible Ms. Loveable
is already in my life?
right in front of me
or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
how do I find the perfect fit
there's enough for everyone
but I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Love Knocks You Down. Just Get Back Up.

2009-05-19T20:05:00.000+08:00

Kanye West
Keep rockin’, and keep knockin’
Whether you Louis Vouiton-ed up or Reebok-in’
You see the hate, that they’re servin’ on a platter
So what we gon’ have - desert or disaster?

Keri Hilson
I never thought I’d be in love like this
When I look at you my mind goes on a trip
And you came in and knocked me on my face
Feels like in I’m a race
But I already won first place
I never thought I’d fall for you as hard as I did
(as hard as I did, yeah)
You got me thinkin’ about our life, our house and kids
(yeah)
Every moment I look at you and smile
Cause girl you came around and you knocked me down
(knocked me down)

Sometimes love comes around
(love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(knocks you down)
Sometimes love comes around
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(knocks you down)

Ne-Yo
I never thought I’d hear myself say
Ya’ll go ahead
I think I’m gonna kick it with my girl today
(it with my girl today)
I used to be commander and chief
Of my pimp ship flyin’ high (flyin’ high)
Til I met this pretty little missle, that shot me out the sky
(oh shot me out the sky)
(hey) Until I crash it, I don’t know how it happened
But I know it feels so damn good
Said if I could go back, and make it happen faster
Don’t you know I would baby if I could
Miss independent (oh, to the fullest), no never too much
She shot the bullet that ended that life
Steady pimpin’ me after tonight

Keri Hilson
Sometimes love comes around
(love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(knocks you down)
Sometimes love comes around
(love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(knocks you down)

Kanye West
Tell me now can you make it past you caspers
So we can finally fly off into NASA
You was always the cheerleader of my dreams to
Seem to only date the head of football teams
And I was the class clown that, always kept you laughin’
We, were never meant to be baby we just happen
So please, don’t mess up the trick hey young world I’m the new slick rick
They say I move too quick, but we cannot let the moment pass us
Let the hourglass pass right into ashes
Let the wind blow the ash right before my glasses
So I wrote this love letter right before my classes
I could of got his ass, someone that’s only average
For advice
O.M.G, you listen to that, bitch?
Whoa it’s me
Baby this is tragic
Cause we had it, we was magic

I was flyin’, now I’m crashin’
This is bad, real bad, Michael Jackson
Now I’m mad, real mad, joe jackson
You should leave your boyfriend now

Keri Hilson
So I gotta put the good with the bad, happy and the sad
So I’ll bring a better future than I had in the past
Oh cause, I don’t wanna make the same mistakes I did
I don’t wanna fall back on my face again
Whoa, whoaI’ll admit it, I was scared to act to loves call
Whoa, whoa
And if it hits better make it worth the full

Sometimes love comes around
(love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(knocks you down)
Sometimes love comes around
(love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(knocks you down)

Won’t see it coming when it happens
But when it happens you’re gonna feel it, let me tell you now
You see when love comes and knocks you down
Won’t see it coming when it happens
But when it happens you’re gonna feel it, let me tell you now
You see when love comes and knocks you down
Yeah

To : ????????

2009-05-15T19:16:00.000+08:00

thx for your comments i appreciate it...

2009-05-14T21:09:00.000+08:00

I was going through my books..

and i saw something which made me do this post..

"Joanne was here.."

In my heart...

Could I Talk to you..

2009-05-14T20:49:00.000+08:00

Im sorry.. it hurts me more than it hurts you. letting go of the one you truly love is really painful. and seeing them upset adds to the pain. i cant bare the though of you gone.. it been a few hours.. and the pain is unbareable. for you, i did everthing i could to make you happy. and after today, i failed all of my duties. seeing you walk away made me felt alone.. you walked away with the look of a stranger.. do you even know me now? the decision hurts me too.. but you if you did convince me.. i would told you i loved you and not let you walk away.. im sorry.. dont have a hard time and take care of yourself.. i might not be there anymore.. but i'll always be supporting you all i can as a friend. no matter how you look at me now, i doubt that i would stop being friends with you.. concentrate on your studies. dont let me get you off track of your real goals in life..

A Shoutout.

2009-05-12T18:11:00.000+08:00

A BIG BIG SHOUTOUT..

THANKS TO THOSE WHO SENT ME BIRTHDAY WISHES..

AND THOSE WHO BOUGHT ME PRESENTS..

THANKS GUYS..

i would like to thank :

Joanne.

For all the effort you have put in for my birthday.

Yoke Kien.

Thanks for your birthday wish right before i went to bed.

Lau Chee Ping

Farhana

Simmren

Thanks for your birthday msgs. Sorry i couldnt reply, i was already asleep at midnight.

Ka Mun

Sher Ryn

Natashia

Hou Yu

Khai Teq

Jet

Ryan

Nisha

Daniel

Firdaus

Pn. Haria

Pauline

Sonia

Sebastian

Ibzairin

Matthew

Daryl

Syazneil

Atiqah

Sophia

Ashni

Kellie

And others..

Thanks for your birthday wishes in school. appreciate it. and for the others, sorry i didnt mention your name. i forgotten XP. so tell me if you did and i'll post it up.

THANKS TO MY COUSIN SISTERS TOO!!

Inspired Song;

2009-05-10T16:35:00.000+08:00

Did you forget

That I was even alive

Did you forget

Everything we ever had

Did you forget

About me

Did you regret

Ever standing by my side

Did you forget

What we were feeling inside

Now I'm left to forget

About us

But somewhere we went wrong

We were once so strong

Our love is like a song

You can't forget it

So now I guess

This is where we have to stand

Did you regret

Ever holding my hand

Never again

Please don't forget

Don't forget

We had it all

We were just about to fall

Even more in love

Than we were before

I won't forgetI won't forget

About us

But somewhere we went wrong

We were once so strong

Our love is like a song

You can't forget it

Somewhere we went wrong

We were once so strong

Our love is like a song

You can't forget it

At all

And at last

All the pictures have been burned

And all the past

Is just a lesson that we've learned

I won't forget

I won't forget us

But somewhere we went wrong

Our love is like a song

But you won't sing along

You've forgotten

About us

D.O.B

2009-05-09T20:40:00.000+08:00

-Happy Birthday!-

Kellie Chong.

Best Wishes!

Her birthday was actually two days ago.. i just discovered that it was her bday so yea..

Recent.

2009-05-08T12:08:00.000+08:00

i have not been bloggig for almost a month now. Not much has hapened except Joanne's Birthday celebration. other than that seriously there was nothing. So now... See.. i have an issue. Since blogging wasnt as fun as it used to be and all the MSSD games have ended, I AM REALLY BORED.. Since im bored i message her more often than i usuallly do. and call her more too. But see, im facing this crisis. my emotions are all mixed up... i dont know what to say or do about this... Im afraid she might take it the wrong way..

Quote :
" You have made a big change in me..
But luckily your in my life to still do that to me..
Stay with me for just a little while longer....."

D.O.B

2009-04-19T11:10:00.000+08:00

-Happy Birthday -

Baby Face

A.K.A.

Khai Teq.

at least i got cake from him.. unlike chee ping..

D.O.B

2009-04-07T21:41:00.000+08:00

-HAPPY BIRTHDAY-

LAU CHEE PING!

Eventhough he didnt give me cake, we're still friends.. FOR NOW...

An Excuse : Mother Nature.

2009-04-07T21:22:00.000+08:00

So,, this post is going to be about earth hour. see, in my point of view, i see earth hour as an excuse to have candle light dinners. but my point is, there are reasons why we had earth hour. Mother Nature had tried to protect us from our fate from God, and yet we do nothing back. so at least for one hour, all the lights are off-ed to help conserve : and in return to Mother Nature. Back to what i was supposed to talk about, i wanted to ask you people how did YOU spend EARTH HOUR.

Me, i took the time to sit, relax and think about all the things i cherish in life. and in the silence of the darkness, only have i truly known how much i appreciate them. i guess earth hour wasnt that bad after all. With no light-ings, i guess we could survive, as long as the sun comes back up to show me how beatiful the world is..

PEACE, to :
EARTH HOUR.

Get to Know ME?

2009-03-22T23:04:00.000+08:00

Before you people start thinking negative, i got this from the internet thru my friends blog. its a test to get to know yourself better. this is what it said about me.

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Try it yourself. http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Celebrations?

2009-03-22T11:24:00.000+08:00

so yesterday, the cheerleading captains decided to celebrate with each other. but guess what? not many people turned up. well its normal for them. cause some goodie goodie ' kids ' are not allowed to come. but its already a normal thing for all of 'our' group members to come.

the day started with me going to volleyballl training in the morning. but after a few games, the urge of playing was not there anymore. so we played quite alot of tensed games cause our coach was not happy with the way we were playing. well, what ever, he'll get over it.

after that my dad came late to pick me up. so i reached home a quickly headed for the showers, changed and told my dad i had to go. everyone was actually not there yet, but since Jo' was there alone, might as well go early to teman her. i was actually alone, but i didnt know my 'mum' , hana, was following me. so at 1 point i turned back cause i thought i was heading in the wrong direction and BOOM! she shoved her hand right up my face and said ' HI ! '. i was kinda scared cause...

1. i thought no stranger would do that.
2. i didnt know hana could scare me

but soon after, hana and i went and met Jo' at McDonalds. we were walking around cause ' it burns calories '. Girls.. but after walking for just a few minutes, Drew called Jo' and said he arrived. we, of course had to pick him up. Boys will be Boys, so me and Drew brought the other two to watch us play pool while waiting for the others to turn up. Soon after, Matt arrived. we played and we played till Adam and Daus' came. Adam left us for his personal reasons while Daus' hung around to play with us. Then it was time and we had to leave for the LUNCH.

we reached there first and many people didnt turn up anyways, so we started to order and started munching down first. but since Aisyah arrived later than us, some of us had to wait for her to finish her food before we could leave. and i forgot to mention that while eating, Matt, Jo' and Drew were salting each others food. Drew's food turned out to be really salty as he claims it to be.

Then levia turned up and we headed for the pool place again, as usual. but i was getting kinda bored of pool cause i keep losing. but anyways, Aisyah and Levia was first to play. they played for half an hour or more! the balls just refused to enter ( or maybe they just suck). no offence guys. and Jo' and hana had to go off somewhere to have a ' girl talk '. well i was suspicious of course. But when Jo' came back, she pulled me aside and gave me a necklace with a ring pendent that has ' JO (heart) Jin ' on it. i was seriously stunned. i dont really expect her to buy it for me. And i was so speechless that i forgot to say thank you. but if she's reading this, i am really happy with it and i appreciate it alot, thank you.

and since everybody was bored, we suggested a movie. but we didnt have any idea what movie to watch, so ' Race to Witch Mountain ' was our only choice. the movie was kinda boring though. but Jo' was beside me. so it doesnt really matter.

Soon we had our dinner. It was at Sakae Sushi. i didnt have anything much to eat cause i was too tired to even eat. but then, news broke out that Rachel's there. well, i didnt have anything to ask or say when we went and met her. When it was kinda late, Matt left, then followed by Jo' and Drew. So it was me, Khai Teq and Azrai with Rach'. Being me, i felt my presence was not wanted so i left the group and told Azrai and Khai Teq to call me when their done cause they are following me back. And then they were done and we left. i guess everybody was exhausted when they got home....

Love Bug Never Bitten Me This Itchy.

2009-03-17T11:38:00.000+08:00

She could say she's happy. but im confused on wether she means it..

i know it seem emotional and all but its just that someway or somehow i feel left out for some reason. See, since me and Joanne were together everythings been great. and after everything that happened in the previous post, the whole day with all our friends, i seem to really feel like im not doing enough for my special one. everyone seems to have a better chemistry with her than i do. they make her laugh harder than i do. they seem to find the right words at the right time to say to her way more thatn i could. they make her feel occupied with something more than i could. i have a feeling im not standing up to my responsibilities or what not.

i could make her happy, i could make her smile/laugh but just not the way they do to her. i could make her feel like my presence is there but not as much as how her friends could. it may seem confusing. well it is. i wished i was all my friends and myself combined to be a perfect guy for her. it seems to me that im not the ' Oomph ' in her life to make her happy. .. i just want to do more to make these feeling of jealousy subsize and make me feel satisfied about myself..

Happy Moments Don't Last Forever.

2009-03-17T11:13:00.000+08:00

on Monday, which was yesterday, seven of us took the KTM to Seremban to see Ms. Vasugi (our former language teacher). the day started of early with me leaving the house at 6:50 am to go to Azrai's house for transport. Matthew and Khai Teq followed too. when we were there, we got into a car and left. But first thing's FIRST, we had to get breakfast. we stop at the McDonald's near subang parade to grab a bite. After that, Joanne came to see us eat. well, its not really see, but she just wanted to meet us. after eating we took Joanne's means of transport to the station.

As we got there, tickets were bought and the train was yet to arrive. while waiting Matthew had a bit of his photography session. Soon after, we got onto the train, anxiously awaiting to reach Seremban to see Ms. Vasugi. On the train, there were not that many people as expected. but definitely there were no seats. we stood for about half an hour till we reached KL Sentral. Here, we had to switch trains.

After the switching, we got on another train which had plenty of seat. well, its not really a compliment when i say i didnt expect our country's KTM to be what it is. Its not really half bad. EXCEPT for the people on it. we sat opposite a row of hooligans. they made noise and any means of disturbancce you can think of. as the train reached there in and hour or so, we got down, went out of the station and searched for our teacher.

Soon after, she found us. it was abt 10 am that time. we met at A&W's. So we might as well have a drink there. Teacher showed Matthew the way there as she couldnt take us herself as she had a tight squedule on that morning. so after a drink, we walked and we walked till we reached our destination. we were greeted into the house by Ms. Vasugi's sister. when we were there, it was quite boring. so we stareted to msg each other through the phones abt inappropriate stuff to say when teacher's sister was there. About 12 teacher got back. She took her seat and started chatting.

We talked and we talked about everything that was happening in our school to her to keep her updated. and she did the same to tell us about how her new enviroment is. She seems to miss us and school alot. and we miss her too oursleves.

it was 1:25 that LUNCH came to teacher's mind. she took us to a mamak-like shop for lunch. after lunch was our time to say our final goodbye. she took us to the station and hugs were exchanged. Pictures were soon taken as a memory till the next time we see her. WE WILL BE MISSING YOU teacher. till the next time we always will. it was hard leaving the place but yet its releaving to know that she's safe and sound there.

at 2:30, we left the station back to KL Sentral. Switched trains again and back to Subang. Later everyone decided to go to Asia Cafe for a game of pool and a trip to the Cyber Cafe. Then our dinner was there too. Soon everyone started to go back after a whole day together. Finally my parents came , took me, Matthew, Azrai and Khai teq back. on the way, we stopped for ABC at ss2 and had a stroll in the pasar malam there. then it was time to go home..

Sports Day.

2009-03-13T18:04:00.000+08:00

let see. last week my school held its 10th annual sprots day. or was it 11?? i dont care. this year sports day was a bummer man. i wasnt really fit for the runs. and seeing friends injured aint cool. the long practices they did. and yet in the end they got hurt. it has to be hard breaking. well, in the end YELLOW house won with a lead of 80+ points. we DOMINATED this year.

SHE's gotta be happy winning the Cheerleading.
Left : My School Mum - Hana
Right : Joanne.

i got a chance to hold the overall champions trophy.
it was a cheap throphy anyways. the top part came of soon after.

Random Picture.
My "mum" and me.

NO !

2009-03-12T21:25:00.000+08:00

WHAT HAPPENED
TO MY
CBOX !!

i just opened my blog today and i saw that my cbox was gone. there was someone else who knows my password but it couldnt be him. DAMN this sucks.

F ! those BITCHES

2009-03-09T09:54:00.000+08:00

here is one of the post which i rant on people i hate. well this time is about my parents. in this post i refer them to BITCHES. here i go, 1st of all my relatives came from Ipoh yesterday. so i thought it would be fun right? but it isnt. my dad won the lottery. but the amount was minimum. anyhow he said he would buy me new shoes. and on Sunday, we went out. as usual that bitch ditched me there. so did the other bitch. i waited for the whole fucking day for them to arrive and yet they didnt turn up. those BITCHES gave the excuse that they didnt want to waste time finding carparks or walking around.

then as u know i have family issues. my cousin's okay. but his family sucks. i had to wait for his family in order for myself to get into my own apartment which that bitch insisted on them staying there. but that bitch didnt even turn up there. sitting in that apartment made me feel so IRONIC. i thought it was mine and yet they treay it as their own. guess what they did, firstly, they switched on all the lights when the sun is still up. who's paying for them not those people thats for sure. then the four air-cons in the whole apartment were turned on when everybody was only in the living room. seriously who pays for this shit? fine even if they did on everything, they could at least have the courtesy to close all the doors or windows so that the rooms cooler and dont waste electricity which will eventually turn up in bills right? NOPE. in fact they leave the whole balcony open and they front door WIDE open. WTF?!

Okay, i've surpass that. but just when i thought everything was fine. i end up eating in a thai restaurant which i have no idea what i was eating except TOM-YAM. when i didnt eat as much as used to, those BITCHES started buging me. here's the conversation.

MOM-bitch : wei, why today so moody? why eat so little?
(she bombarded with questions)

in front of everybody in that table..
ME : SHUT UP LA!

then she was all..
MOM-bitch : What's ur problem la.

ME : YOU dumbass. ask yourself that question la.

then this part got interesting. the other bitch had to do the first bitch's dirty work. she ask him to ask how i was doing..

BALLS- bitch : Boy, how are you? Okay anot?

ME : SO WHAT IF IM OKAY?!

he was so stunned that we stared at each other with a cold look. i could tell that bastard was scared of his pants if i treatened him. that was the climax of the day. then soon after he was mumbling to himself..

BALLS- bitch : let him play la. go play go play. dont need to study anymore la.
(he was all sarcastic)

ME : okay okay! i will!

then he shut-ed up for the whole night. when we reached home from dinner, i prayed for those BITCHES that they couldnt have a peaceful night to rest. whatever stated here is true and everysingle word i said was not changed from the actual convo.

That was yesterday. today i tried to get out of the house without them knowing. but in the end my only mean of transport left too early. i was suppose to follow En.Ariff to the waterfall. then i was planning to come back late. so my parents could take back their words. i hate those BITCHES so much! and DARN you Matthew! YOU were suppose to call me before you left!

I'm Gonna buy new KICKS!

2009-03-08T22:19:00.000+08:00

Picture Of JORDAN.

Guess what Guess what?! im gonna buy new shoes! it may not be a surprise but whatever. this time im gonna buy the AIR JORDAN XX3. this shoe looks damn COOL! but i wouldnt know how it feels like wearing it yet cause i havent bought it yet. but maybe in just a week i might get it. CANT WAIT! the one im gonna buy is defintitely not the same colour as the one above. mine is gonna be blue and white.

Mr. Harashimnaidu

2009-03-05T18:06:00.000+08:00

Well as i promised in the previous post, here's a post on what happened to me. see, i have this teacher who is freaking fat but God only knows why is he our sports organiser. his name is Mr. Naidu. This fucking bitch here thinks he knows all that about anything. see, before the 400m event took place, there were complications. Mr. Naidu here typed the name list for yellow house wrongly. and by carrying out orders for the team i got pussy scolded. That bitch pussy scolded me. here's what happened in detail.

i ran to the tent beside the track to clear the names and changed them. i told another teacher of mine to change the names THEY WERE WRONG. then that fucking Bitch-Nu, who thinks he is all gangster, came and said in a kurang ajar way, ' Apa salah?! Huh, apa salah?! ' i was keeping my cool, as my class teacher was there, and he wasnt complaining like a drama queen abt the names. then Bicth-Nu here said ' Saya malam tadi baru type nama ni tau? apa salah?' and there i was thinking to myself, if the names were typed by him so carefully, Bitch-Nu didnt even spell my name right.

then he thinks that he was so right. i wasnt even talking to him in the first place. and his fucking busybody-ness had to just get involved. in the end the names were eventually changed cause BICTH-NU TYPED IT WRONGLY! that fuckhole. soon i was thinking of a way to hurt him real bad and seemed innocent for it. the planned has been confirmed and might be carried out as soon as he thinks. so watch out BITCH-NU.

Labelled YELLOW.

2009-03-05T17:51:00.000+08:00

today was a great day. and about my previous post, me and her are okay already. and since that inccident we have just tried to forget what happend. back to my topic. today, my school took some of us to the stadium where we have our sports day to reherse for the acctual day and some final track events were also held today. it started with the 400m. i dont know abt the girls but i do know about the guys. Vivishen ( blue ) won the race as expected but heart felt respects to Hadzwan and Daniel for trying. you guys did great. after that event we all practiced for the march pass.

after that the 4x400m relay took place. at that time an inccident took place that i will never forget neither am i gonna forgive. i'll blog about it in the next post. but in this event SHE took part in it. eventhough she didnt win, she wasnt last. and no matter what the results are, i am proud of HER. after her race, it was mine. i was the last person for the relay. thanks to my teammates, Hadzwan, Adam and Daniel, i had a big advantage. the second team wasnt even close all i had to do was maintain the lead and win. and thats what happened. GO YELLOW. well done guys.

after that we went back to school with big smiles on our faces...

Dont do this..

2009-03-03T20:18:00.000+08:00

after the last post, i've just commited SUICIDE. not literally but i wished i could have. i cant stand to have the thought of the one that i love most leaving me. i dont want you to leave me without a mutual reason. i love you. and this might be the first time i felt this much pain. i dont think its right for us to suffer this way when all we have feel so right. at this point of blogging, im not even sure what gonna happen between us. hopefully its not over. i dont want to ever stop loving you. dont make me feel that i have to...

Accomodating for TWO.

2009-03-03T18:21:00.000+08:00

heres another problem. i have gone true serious crap before and dun think i deserve to go through it before. and as my friend , Matthew, said to me before " What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger." but see, there are still complications in my life that i just cant solve. and this one is just a massive blackhole.

it is something that i have no control of. it is also something that i have no right to voice out about. see, SHE has me and she also has her bestfriend. and her bestfriend kinda dislike me for certain reasons. its not that i dont want everything to be fine. its just that i cant do anything about it. everytime i open my mouth for any reason, it just makes her (her bestfriend) hold a bigger grudge on me. i would want both, HER and her to be fine. but its just that she wouldnt listen to me.

what im trying to say is that, i dont want anymore complications. and i want HER to be happy with everything in her life. and its okay if you want to spend some time with her. i know its hard for you. but im not here to pull her away from you and neither am i here to be in your way. i dont mind if you still feel that disliking me is neccessary, but if you do change your mind, THANK YOU. if you dont, then at least dont do it infront of her. let her be happy. and if i did anything wrong before..

I'M SINCERELY SORRY..

Through the Phone

2009-03-03T18:13:00.000+08:00

well, you see, im complicated. and i also like things to go my way. but it seems to me, somehow, friends of mine or hers are KINDA in the way. what im trying to say is that, when you are in a relationship, you would want every single bit of attention from your partner. and my problem is, she pays more attention to friends more than she does to me at times. its not a complaint : definitely not. im happy with everything that is going on. its just that, my feelings get disorientated. and it bothers me. but i got over that. FRIENDS are meant to get attention from her. and i dont need her attention all the time. i have just the right amount of attention i need from her through the phone. as long as i know she cares i love HER and my FRIENDS as well.

Another Victory

2009-02-27T21:06:00.000+08:00

today it was the last day of the inter-house basketball in school. it was yellow against the blues. i didnt have time to watch the game as i was occupied. but only to my concern i know that yellow won the match. GO YELLOW!. soon after the inter-house football matches began. first match was u-15 boys : yellow against blue. i was in the team, so i played. the game started really well with us scoring within minutes. then a few minutes later, we've scored again. the match ended with a 2 : 0 score.

then, then u-18 played and other games continued. wasnt paying much attention to the game at that time cause i was already occupied again with her. i was just too into the moment.

B-L-U-E.

2009-02-24T18:03:00.000+08:00

This post i gonna be a little awkward but read with me. OK?. i have been with her like for 11 days now. and its obvious that our feelings are mutual. but 1 thing has been bothering me since. you know how couples react and how they do they're THING right?. me, im finding my strenght to carry out these THINGS. these things im refering to are like holding hands, snuggling into 1 another, holding waist and what not. See, since we're together and all, i thought these things will be easily carried out. but i was wrong. everytime when i have a chance to, i somehow chicken-out and keep my hands to myself. i dont know why. aint these types of things suppose to be okay to do with 1 another?. i just wished that i know she has the same feelings as i have to do these things. i dont want to make her feel awkward and all. thats why i just couldnt risk a single wrong move..

Paying ATTENTION : APPRECIATE

2009-02-23T19:52:00.000+08:00

Today was the first day of assessment. i had BM, English and Geography. I guess i did my papers fairly good. but im not getting my hopes up and finding myself fail. Although people take these assessments or test seriously, i somehow can't. its not that i dont want to.

it seems to me that there are other things occupying my mind at the moment. But its not a bad thing. i have been thinking about her a lot. and she's always on my mind. she has been making me feel more confident about myself and she has been making me give it my all in no matter what im involve in. i never want to disappoint her. so for that reason, i think its only fair to do what i should do to impress / satisfy her. she makes me feel that being just myself already makes me special and i dont have to try anything fancy.

But one thing is for certain, a girl like her should be given the best of treatments and protected with all you've got. me, i dont feel like i have given any of those enough yet. but i'll contine trying.
i love her and i'll do whatever i possibly could to make her the happiest she could be.

Ups And Downs : Pros And Cons

2009-02-20T17:44:00.000+08:00

Toady was a very interesting day. the morning started with jogathon. i thought we were all gonna start straight away after the school began, so i took a RED BULL. but i came to find out that it only starts after a few events. so i felt like i wasted a can of it. but anyhows, the jogathon was great. i got a position in the top ten. good huh?. but to tell you the truth, i wouldnt have finished the race as i wanted to if it werent for worrying abt her.

i went 1 round already. form 3's to form 5's are supposed to go two rounds. as i was running my second, i herd people talking about her. its wasnt good. she was injured and she fell. hearing this made me just want to finish the race as soon as possible to go see her. as i finished i looked around and i couldnt find her. i walked pass the office, but for so,e reason i turned around and saw a group of people surrounding someone. i ran there and saw her in pain. this was an awfull sight. i couldnt do anything about it. i have no idea what to do at that time. so i kept quiet. thinking to myself ' how pathetic am i'.. but in the end she was fine and was back to her normal self. i asked her if she was okay. she turned around, gave me smile and told me she was fine. what a relief that was.

After all the drama, it was time to celebrate Levia's birthday. Levia was upstairs as we were preparing the cake at the canteen. soon she came down and we sang her a song. after that school was back to its normal ways. STUDIES conttinued as usual ; what a bummer.

later, around 1:30 in the afternoon, it was time for the basketball matches to go on. the u-15 girls were 1st to play. YELLOW won that match ; GO YELLOW! then the u-18 girls were to play next. yellow was against blue this time. the game started alright. Levia, the birthday girl, got injured later. and thats when the drama took place. yellow and blue girls were kinda battling hard against each other out there. it was so hard to watch. they fought and they fought. SHE was in the court for BLUE that time. i didnt want HER to get hurt and neither did i want them to fight. SHE, at the last minutes scored two free throws. these points were the deciders of the game. yellow lost. and after that game some of the girls were not happy and ignored each other. anyways i congratulated HER. and i got MY FIRST HUG FROM HER. those few miliseconds were definitely a memory to remember. then soon after was the u-18 boys turn. reds against yellows. the game started reds way and red had the lead. but just before the first half ended, yellow took the lead. and from there they maintained their lead for the win. GO YELLOW!

After that game, it was followed by my game. the u-15 ; yellow against blue. we started off okay but didnt get to scored till a few minutes had passed. after that point we continued to score more frequently. in this game, i gave it all i could. i jumped higher than i normally do, i ran more than i normally run, and i also fouled more than i normally fouled. but still i managed to score a few points and made some blocks. it was a good game. the game ended and it was HER turn to congratulate me. i was already happy and what she did made me happier.

i wished her goodbye and left for home..
WHAT A DAY....

A Heart Felt LOVE

2009-02-19T22:05:00.000+08:00

What is MINE is HERS..
And what is HERS.. its MINE..

-

I love the way you make me so happy,

And the ways you show you care.

I love the way you say, "I Love You,"

And the way you're always there.

I love the way you touch me,

Always sending chills down my spine.

I love that you are with me,

And glad that you are mine.

And yes you always speak to me,

In sweet honesty and truth

Your caring heart keeps out the rain,

YOUR LOVE, the ultimate roof

I think of you each morning

And dream of you each night

I think of your arms being around me

And cannot express my delight

I love you so deeply, I love you so much,

I love the sound of your voiceAnd the way that we touch.

I love your warm smile

And your kind, thoughtful way,

The joy that you bring

To my life every day.

I love you today

As I have from the start,

With all of my heart.

J-O-G-A-T-H-O-N

2009-02-19T21:32:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is the day no one hopes for. JOGATHON. to prepare we have already ran the route abt three to four times already. but still, my heart beats fast thinking about it. its not 1 of my favourite events at all. but the points of this event is more thatn the rest as the whole school is involved in it. But i guess im am prepared for this event.. the pictures below will tell you why..

RED BULL!

These are what me and my friends are gonna drink through out the day..

Recent Movie Watched - The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button.

2009-02-15T21:57:00.000+08:00

At once epic in scope and intimate in detail, David Fincher's THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON is certainly the director's most emotional film to date (though FIGHT CLUB and SEVEN don't offer much in the way of competition). Loosely based on an F. Scott Fitzgerald story, this romantic drama tells the tale of Benjamin Button (Brad Pitt), born in 1918 in New Orleans as a baby with wrinkles, cataracts, and arthritis. Benjamin will age backwards, getting younger as he watches those around him growing older. Included in that group are his adoptive mother, Queenie (Taraji P. Henson), and Daisy (Cate Blanchett), the love of his life whom he meets when she is just a little girl and he is an old man. They age in reverse, but despite Benjamin's globe-trotting adventures, their lives repeatedly intersect. The script from Oscar winner Eric Roth bears more than a few hallmarks in common with his earlier work on FORREST GUMP: both adaptations cross decades and continents. But BENJAMIN's script or even the fine acting aren't its most impressive accomplishment; the technology--both CGI and makeup--used to make Benjamin and Daisy age are remarkable, and makes the film entirely believable, but they're certainly aided by fine performances from both Pitt and Blanchett. The triumph of technology only serves to underscore the beauty of this film and of the love story at its heart.

From this..

To this..

A BIG THANK YOU.

2009-02-15T10:42:00.000+08:00

see, me and her would not have happened if it werent for my friends. i guess it is safe to say that i have some pretty good friends. and in no way i would want to lose them. they gave me advise. made me feel comfortable in no matter what situations. but eventhough sometimes they're kinda JERKY, at the end of the day, they are my friends. and i appreciate everything you guys have done for me through these few years..

i would like too wish you guys A BIG THANK YOU..

O.M.G.

2009-02-13T21:02:00.001+08:00

Just when my day seems BAD....

SHE ACCEPTED ME!

a shoutout to you..

I LOVE YOU!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY.

Friday the 13th : Valentines Eve

2009-02-13T19:48:00.000+08:00

Well as you all know, today is Valentines Eve and its on Friday the 13th. My school if ' celebrating ' the occassion with some song dedication and roses give-a-ways. I though it was going to be a good day as i was planning to ask her today..

It turns out things just werent the way i planned it would be. Firstly, i made a song dedication to her. and guess what happens?. she has a blue house meeting and went back to the senior block. i just unlucky i guess. i cancelled the dedication then and there. as break was over, we had assembly at the basketball court. this is when the rose give-a-ways took place. i was expecting to get 3 roses for her and 1 for Levia and 1 for Farhana. And it didnt make sense to me at all when i ordered a few days before and yet the roses werent enough and i was the only one who didnt get any. Yes, if you are thinking to pity me you should..

But it gets worst. after school i was planning to give her a present and with it a letter. but i kinda chickened out as from the morning i already was thinking about what would happen if i did it. and the consiquences were obvious. i just had a bad feeling about this.. and yet.. i kinda took Azrai's advise and put my right leg forward with it.. So i walked .. it was the longests 5 meter walk of my life.. my heart was pounding, i can hear it beating in my head.. soon i reached her.. i had to say it. but i was just so PATHETIC that i panic.. and all i said was... HAPPY VALENTINES DAY..

She said thank you.. and yet in my mind as i was running away, i thought to myself, ' WHAT THE HELL?!' and i thought i could do better.. i hate myself ..

and now i hear that she wants more time.. but its not the fact that she dont want to. its because her best friend has issues with me as i dated her before.. READERS : please be open about this.. And it kills me now as i have no idea what emotions to put forward to show her anymore. im confused EMOTIONALLY. im officially dead at this moment.....

What A GAME.

2009-02-11T20:56:00.000+08:00

Today my school had its first inter-house games this year. it started of with the girls under 15 basketball. Yellow agaisnt Blue. In the end yellow house won. the next game also involed the yellow house. This time its the under 18 girls agaist the reds. I guess the streght of yellow house was too powerfull and it overthrew the reds.

The last match of the day was the long anticipated game i have been waiting for. The under 15 boys, yellows against the reds. in the first few seconds or minutes in the game we already scored. soon after me and my fellow team mates used a FULL COURT PRESS tactic. this definitely overpowered the reds. in just seven minutes, which is half the game we play, we already scored more than 20 points and the reds had none.

Soon after we played the final half of the game. we still dominated but in the final minutes the red got to score two points from different free shots. I guess our hopes of making them lose with a zero was no possible. But the game ended 40 to 2 making us the dominating team overall at the moment.

Keep it up guys...

A Day to Never Attend to.

2009-02-09T16:26:00.000+08:00

Today is Hari Thaipussam. Its a holiday. And this sucks cause i have " Cheerleading " practice in school. The day started as i was going to school with my dad after having breakfast. Matthew and Khai Teq, my friends, were late to my house so i left for school without them. in the end they managed to come to school anyways. i had a reason to go early. i wanted to practice for basketball as i have a house match on wednesday. Anyways, after practicing alone for a while SHE came. SHE told me that my " Mother " ( that means my God-Mother) was emitted into the hospital last night. I was like DAMN. But after awhile i got to be wih her for a few minutes i guess. after that Aisyah came and i had to practice.

Later, as i was practicing, i couldnt stop thinking about HER. And what SHE'S doing. i was day dreaming. And during cheerleading, Aisyah was extra mean and she did not let us eat lunch till 1 something. Man i had breakfast at 6! then i thought to myself maybe i should ask my mum to get some food for me, my friends and her. well i guess my dad was busy so i cant get food.

Soon after, Matthew got lost and Aisyah got all EMO. i had no idea why. he went out to get food for us and yet you get angry at him? ITS FOOD WOMAN, FOOD!

Thats it for today..

(and for those who didnt get to read this original post before, well, too bad. i didnt want to get myself into trouble. but if you want to know you could ask.)

And for those of you out there who have read my original post, PLEASE i beg of you to keep whatever you read to yourself. DONT GET ME INTO STICKY SITUATIONS.

--------------------

Recant Movie Watched - Pink Panther 2

2009-02-09T16:07:00.000+08:00

Steve Martin continues to be a revered comedy icon even 10 years after his last relevant comedy (that would be Bowfinger), but even he knew he needed some help to get anyone to accept a second remake of the classic Peter Sellers Pink Panther films. So for The Pink Panther 2, Martin stacks the deck with talented comedians and actors from across the globe. Emily Mortimer and Jean Reno are back, John Cleese has replaced Kevin Kline as Clouseau's nemesis Inspector Dreyfus, and Alfred Molina and Andy Garcia have joined as international investigators brought to France when, once again, the Pink Panther diamond is lifted. Add in Aishwarya Rai as a mysterious diamond expert, Lily Tomlin as an etiquette teacher and Jeremy Irons as a suspected culprit, and it's a cast that would make anything worth watching.

Inspector Jacque Clouseau.

Underutilizing its talented cast, The Pink Panther 2 is little more than a series of lame slapstick gags.

ITS NOT AS FUNNY AS THE FIRST ONE!

Got it Going.

2009-02-07T21:00:00.000+08:00

I was wondering. is this going anywhere? and since many advise i get is very different from each other, i have no i dea who i am going to go with. Friends are great to offer a hand. and me, i started giving CLUES or ideas to show her i have feelings for her. i guess its obvious already. but who knows if she would push me away anytime soon.

As this momentum builds up, im going to slowly increase my fair share of care to her. letting her know that i am serious and not here to mess with people.

For all you know, we might be together as soon as you think. that will surely be a happy ending but who knows what she's thinking..

Still hanging on a thin thread of friemds advise..
Thanks Guys...

Im Gonna Be Frank.

2009-02-04T22:02:00.000+08:00

This girl i have been talking about lately on my blog. Do you think i have a shot?. She cute. She nice and sweet. She never really does anything bad. She is like definitely every guy's dreamgirl when they come to think about it. She has always treated me nice. But nowadays it seems weird being around her. Its like everybody is agaisnt me and her. Friends tend to purposely put her name with another guy to get on my nerves. But i havent told them yet but i have a feeling they do know now. I dont know why but its so hard for me. I've got no support except from certain friends. Why wouldnt i just tell them? their friends arent they? Well i have not got much time before i tell her how i feel. Valentines Day is coming soon. Wish me Luck...

A sudden FEELING.

2009-02-02T19:30:00.000+08:00

Hey! Hey! Hey! want to hear a poem?. well this poem is for that somebody out there and if you are reading it might be you, BUT DONT GET YOUR HOPES UP (too soon). this is just something i felt like saying. it might not be all that but its good enough for me. So ENJOY.

i want you to know that eventhough we're apart.

a piece of you will always remain in my HEART.

I'll remember you smile your smile.

I'll remember your laugh.

I'll also REMEMBER the momments we had.

However, there's one thing i regret.

And thats the way i made you cry as i said my final GOODBYE.

I didnt meant to hurt you, because you meant everything to me.

i know i should have tried, and in our love, BELIEVED.

But instead i did the one thing that tore my heart into two.

I had to put an end to our relationship ; and now we're through.

I guess everything is not meant to last for an eternity.

in time we will both heal and look back on the MEMORIES.

And now eventhough we are no longer together.

Its you, my first love, i will always REMEMBER.

well its a blog. so sometimes whatever i say here, stays here peacefully and might not be brought up in the real world. Unless my feelings over-rule me.