mornings;

i know my friends are probably gonna be pissed about this. but i have to let it out.. though i have been mad, and though i have been saying things i dont mean.. in the pure silence solitude. theres only you in my mind. im not over it.. but theres nothing i can do. i really miss you.. i know you've been dying to see me messed up like this, so here you go. look at me, and see that im nothing.. everything nowadays brings back memories, that tear up a whole in my heart. from the way you smile, the way you walk and your funny little laugh. i miss them all.. every morning, i take a photo of you out, and get a good look at you to make my day. sometimes, songs just kills me if they remind me of anything.. the song that burns most to hear is, Morning - Janice Vidal. this song was heard when i viewed your blog for the first time.. and it will never be the last time i'll hear it. other than that, the way i tend to over do things sometimes, reminds me of the way you tend to try and stop me from doing it. i just somehow miss you doing that. the cheeky-ness we once had, will not be forgotten by me. i love you for that, remember?

at night, sometimes i dream about holding you in my arms once more, looking into your eyes once more and even just be near you once more.. theres too many special things about you i cant explain, and too little time to think of any.. i know i had a bad breakdown, but its one mistake you hopefully can forgive. i didnt mean too, neither did i intend to force you away.. im sorry, sincerely. and i know being sincere is really important to you, well, this time i am.. and believe me when i say, i love you. people come and go, but once you had perfection, you wouldnt want anything else.. and i know you've found perfection, the love and tenderness you share with him. though it kills, i wish you guys all the best. and for him, take care of her, you wouldnt want to lose her, i promise.

a friend asked me, 'have you had an addiction or an obsession?'.. my answer was yes. but her next question was, 'have you cried so hard for that obsession that you forget about everything else?' i said 'no, but i have tried very hard to live without it.'.. so i guess that was my wake up call.. i had to try hard. but as hard as i try, i tend to end up like this once more. i cant bear this.. i cant.. but i'll remember the words you speak, and the promises you made.. time can only tell, for the blind like me, to see what we would become.. i'll miss you for more mornings to come. another two years wouldnt kill me to wait..

quote: ' if you dream about it hard enough, it would come true'

by Kellie Chong Qiao Yi

don't curse this post, dont say anything either

read it, and digest it. wake up the next morning

and make the best out of your life

distractions;

- currently exhausted.

firstly, in these past few days, im dong okay. not great, but im okay. thank God for that.. and for the anger post which i deleted recently, im sorry about that again. i believe that anger is misdirected passion. so forgive me.. and i've been thinking a lot lately. 'about what?' you may ask.. but im no sure about the answer myself.. i could say im thinking about everything. but theres not enough space on earth to hold these thoughts together. i'm tired of thinking about irrelevant things..

anyways,
after PMR which was tuesday not long ago if you still recall, we headed out to pyramid. it was with a few of my friends. though it wasnt really well planned. but i had a load of fun. when we got there, we went to TGI's for lunch. then soon after we walked around and i got my lip pierced. but my lip piercing didnt last very long though. i had to take it out due to parental explicit. after that, we had dinner at Carl's Junior and went back..after that we slept over at friends's houses. and now im back. didnt have much to do in school. but it was okay. had some friends there.


p.s.//
theres so many things going on, what's real, and what's not? maybe my problems have compiled together and it is gonna run me like 80 mph truck.

the smiles will not be replaced

the hole tearing throungh my chest is only getting worst

yet, the pain is my best distraction

untitled;

i'll blog about freedom next time..

till then, take care..

-

crunch time;

i know i said some things that i shouldnt have. but now i've chilled. and im sorry.

SORRY

im forgetting about it.

if this is it;

____

I remember what you wore on the first day

You came into my life

And I thought hey

You know this could be something

'Cause everything you do and words you say

You know that it all takes my breath away

And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true, that I can't live without you

Maybe two is better than one

But There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life

And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking two, is better than one

boys like girls feat taylor swift - two is better than one

-

-

-

how do you stand by and watch us fall..

you had your second chance, where's mine?

breathe;

i heard this song from a friends blog recently.

it brings back memories..

you should hear it too..

_______

remember when;

-currently stiching a gaping hole on my shoulder.


it has barely been a week, and its already killing me.. my footsteps with heavy drags and my head down as though the floor amuses me.. am i too late? or maybe its too soon. i dont know. i dont know anything anymore, i dont know you anymore, i dont know me anymore.. constant hits to the chest would still not make this pain go away. the hole in me is gaping; more hollow than ever.. across the court i walked, and i could see you there beside me. but its only the images in my mind which i could only remmeber. i've lived it, i've believed it and now i dream about it.. the empty space beside me seems to be unoccupied. why? i just dont know.. you could do it, why cant i?.. i've never been this unwilling to let this go. maybe its because i never wanted this after the long hours of sleepless nights and constant nudges i gave to make it work.. maybe, i did love..
i hope i could be better soon, i dont want to seem to be the weaker one among us two.. but what i dont get is, no matter how hard i try to explain, im rejected of a second thought. nothing i say would ever work right now.. and its okay. i dont mind trying..

people say:

face the facts and live your life

i say:

live your life and face the facts

the difference is obscene

the mist;

- currently fragmented..


i got to admitt. i've been through alot of bull shit with you, but you made it worthwhile.. you once said these things that happen to us, makes us stronger. after that, i felt secure enough to not try to think about this day to come. but it did.. and this post is not here to diss you, its to tell you how much i appreciated you. though it may not be clear then, but now i see, how much you really were in my life..

you were, some sort of what i called a dream. you were, mostly what i had hoped for to come true. you were my support, you were my all. i gave you everything, and not hoped for nothing back in return, but just for you to stay.. little did i know, it didnt pay off trying.. it probably would have paid off by just doing it. its too late to try, yet too early give up. you were too much of a good thing, and probably some of the best things.. i remembered never failing to smile when i saw you everyday with your eyes wide open and your smile too beutiful to be true; to be mine.. you are everything everyone hopes for.. but a few minor touches in you should be polished up. i failed to do so, but im hoping the next one would change you more effectively than the way i did it..

well me, im here, always here, but never forever.. im sorry to have been such a burden for you. but im pretty sure you're happier than i am. so, i wont be worrying so much about you.. as for me, i'll do fine.. if i ever stop thinking about this.. but till then, miss me.. dont forget me.

'i am down, but not defeated'

the photos of you are mine to keep

it makes me happy once i take a look at it

it reminds me that

the best things in life dont last forever

as we could only last a life time

till forever leaves us old and gray

i want to let it out..
but there's no point..

tell me;

- currently thinking about whaats important; but unsure..


i dont know what to say to you. i dont know what to do. i've lost all hopes, and given up all my dreams. there's no sense of holding on in me anymore. what i thought was meant to be, is now a tragedy. i was meant to love you, but you werent meant to love me.. this feeling in me, is hard to describe. though its painful, everytime i see you, i would smile.. thought im mad, i tend to forget about it. but this time, your ego is worst than mine. you're unwilling to lose, you're unwilling to make things right for me. i have to do it.. but i've done enough, i thought you knew. i know you have the tendancy to let this go, as it all means nothing to you, if im not trying.. but i am in disbelief, if you still don't understand. yesterday, was the first night i slept without you wishing me my sweetdreams.. i didnt get any, except the urge to tell you this.. this could be the final straw, i am hanging by a thread.. but i know you have already given up. and i think i should too. if you're planning to say goodbye, try not to be too sharp with your words.. im about to break into millions of trillions of tiny pieces.. but dont worry, im fine.. i know i'll be happy, as long as you are..

my almost lover

-

Your fingertips across my skin.

The palm trees swaying in the wind.

Images.

You sang me Spanish lullabies.

The sweetest sadness in your eyes.

Clever trick.

I never want to see you unhappy.

I thought you'd want the same for me.

-

Goodbye, my almost lover.

Goodbye, my hopeless dream.

I'm trying not to think about you.

Can't you just let me be?.

So long, my luckless romance.

My back is turned on you.

I should've known you'd bring me heartache.

Almost lovers always do.

-

We walked along a crowded street.

You took my hand and danced with me.

Images.

And when you left you kissed my lips.

You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no.

I never want to see you unhappy.

I thought you'd want the same for me.

-

Goodbye, my almost lover.

Goodbye, my hopeless dream.

I'm trying not to think about you.

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance.

My back is turned on you.

I should've known you'd bring me heartache.

Almost lovers always do.

-

I cannot go to the ocean.

I cannot drive the streets at night.

I cannot wake up in the morning.

Without you on my mind.

So you're gone and I'm haunted.

And I bet you are just fine.

Did I make it that easy.

To walk right in and out of my life?

-

Goodbye, my almost lover.

Goodbye, my hopeless dream.

I'm trying not to think about you.

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance.

My back is turned on you.

I should've known you'd bring me heartache.

-

Almost lovers always do..

-

-

listen, would you cry to this?

"almost lover - a fine frenzy"