Thursday, October 15, 2009


i know my friends are probably gonna be pissed about this. but i have to let it out.. though i have been mad, and though i have been saying things i dont mean.. in the pure silence solitude. theres only you in my mind. im not over it.. but theres nothing i can do. i really miss you.. i know you've been dying to see me messed up like this, so here you go. look at me, and see that im nothing.. everything nowadays brings back memories, that tear up a whole in my heart. from the way you smile, the way you walk and your funny little laugh. i miss them all.. every morning, i take a photo of you out, and get a good look at you to make my day. sometimes, songs just kills me if they remind me of anything.. the song that burns most to hear is, Morning - Janice Vidal. this song was heard when i viewed your blog for the first time.. and it will never be the last time i'll hear it. other than that, the way i tend to over do things sometimes, reminds me of the way you tend to try and stop me from doing it. i just somehow miss you doing that. the cheeky-ness we once had, will not be forgotten by me. i love you for that, remember?

at night, sometimes i dream about holding you in my arms once more, looking into your eyes once more and even just be near you once more.. theres too many special things about you i cant explain, and too little time to think of any.. i know i had a bad breakdown, but its one mistake you hopefully can forgive. i didnt mean too, neither did i intend to force you away.. im sorry, sincerely. and i know being sincere is really important to you, well, this time i am.. and believe me when i say, i love you. people come and go, but once you had perfection, you wouldnt want anything else.. and i know you've found perfection, the love and tenderness you share with him. though it kills, i wish you guys all the best. and for him, take care of her, you wouldnt want to lose her, i promise.

a friend asked me, 'have you had an addiction or an obsession?'.. my answer was yes. but her next question was, 'have you cried so hard for that obsession that you forget about everything else?' i said 'no, but i have tried very hard to live without it.'.. so i guess that was my wake up call.. i had to try hard. but as hard as i try, i tend to end up like this once more. i cant bear this.. i cant.. but i'll remember the words you speak, and the promises you made.. time can only tell, for the blind like me, to see what we would become.. i'll miss you for more mornings to come. another two years wouldnt kill me to wait..

quote: ' if you dream about it hard enough, it would come true'
by Kellie Chong Qiao Yi

don't curse this post, dont say anything either
read it, and digest it. wake up the next morning
and make the best out of your life