Friday the 13th : Valentines Eve

Well as you all know, today is Valentines Eve and its on Friday the 13th. My school if ' celebrating ' the occassion with some song dedication and roses give-a-ways. I though it was going to be a good day as i was planning to ask her today..

It turns out things just werent the way i planned it would be. Firstly, i made a song dedication to her. and guess what happens?. she has a blue house meeting and went back to the senior block. i just unlucky i guess. i cancelled the dedication then and there. as break was over, we had assembly at the basketball court. this is when the rose give-a-ways took place. i was expecting to get 3 roses for her and 1 for Levia and 1 for Farhana. And it didnt make sense to me at all when i ordered a few days before and yet the roses werent enough and i was the only one who didnt get any. Yes, if you are thinking to pity me you should..

But it gets worst. after school i was planning to give her a present and with it a letter. but i kinda chickened out as from the morning i already was thinking about what would happen if i did it. and the consiquences were obvious. i just had a bad feeling about this.. and yet.. i kinda took Azrai's advise and put my right leg forward with it.. So i walked .. it was the longests 5 meter walk of my life.. my heart was pounding, i can hear it beating in my head.. soon i reached her.. i had to say it. but i was just so PATHETIC that i panic.. and all i said was... HAPPY VALENTINES DAY..

She said thank you.. and yet in my mind as i was running away, i thought to myself, ' WHAT THE HELL?!' and i thought i could do better.. i hate myself ..

and now i hear that she wants more time.. but its not the fact that she dont want to. its because her best friend has issues with me as i dated her before.. READERS : please be open about this.. And it kills me now as i have no idea what emotions to put forward to show her anymore. im confused EMOTIONALLY. im officially dead at this moment.....